more water

a new sport: deep-sea holding on to a flimsy raft. no, the point was to observe the shadows of slippery sea lions and maybe catch a glimpse of one. but we were out to see in full wetsuits holding onto the small handles of a small, black, long and thin rubbery ovular raft. we were being knocked about like crazy. it was rather dangerous, but i was in the company of enthusiasts who didn't seem to mind. we got out, stopped at a gas station to pee and re-fuel (me with a huge peanut-butter cup bar), and went back for one more go.

interpretations of water vary but seems to be that it reflects the emotional state. in this case, a bit rough and wild and frightening. we were at the mercy of the waves, but the people i was with knew this and took it in stride, their passion for discovery taking hold of their motivations.

another dream.

in mid-sized white boat with uncle todd + dad. cruising through typical lake-ish area of my dreams; high cliffs all around, beach-y inlets à la Falcon Camp. Very green water. uncle todd encouraged us to balance weight distribution in boat by moving forward on it. we did, and boat tipped over, from behind us, tipping all the way over and landing on top of us. uncle gone from scene.

dad and i trapped, treading water up to our chins, below upside-down bottom of boat, with just enough space to breath. boat too big to lift off, didn't occur to me to swim under and away. stuck. woke up.

i feel just exactly this way, emotionally. not drowning, but just hanging on. this was during 2nd night at alex's. ugh.