i intend to

be devastated by my blessings; weep at the magnitude of my wealth; honor my footsteps across a wooden floor; caress each bathroom tile; kiss the windows, open, close them and kiss them anew like old friends; shock my body with each bite i take; savor every single dollar that's mine to spend; hold a vigil of silence and then a vigil of raucousness; long for my own skin and then, realizing that i've had it all along, hold a joyous celebration for its unexpected return; wait anxiously to see if night falls and, if it does, wonder curiously if dawn will break again; consider every moment in aching love to be a miracle wrapped as a precious gift in brown paper with silk ribbon, open each with unbelieving wonder and accumulate them with loving tenderness; push my body against bubbly molecules of air, swimming, floating, riding them down the sidewalk; consider whether god prefers my conversation over eggs and toast at the table or as midnight pee break soliloquies in a darkened bathroom; sit gently, open my body, move slowly, see beauty and trust life as much as i trust my red lamp

god for breakfast

ESTEBAN: pero tu no vas para la iglesia ke haces en casa?

ME: recuperando

me dio una migraña dura en esta semana

por eso que no salgo de la casa

pero aquí tengo a dios a mi lado compartiendo el desayuno

preparé huevos y a dios le gusta sus huevos revueltos

ESTEBAN: ajajajajajajajaa

paper towels

in my days i have sought names, categories, personages,
habits, hobbies ...at the very least tendencies to call
upon when defining myself to myself,
or explaining myself to others.

i believe in _____. i'm an ____ -ist.
i'm an early riser.
a vegetarian.
i only drink red wine, for the antioxidants.
i'm really a very independent person.
i like to take photographs.
i woke up at 2 today. pm.
a city girl, at heart.
god is questionable.
i'm quite eco-conscious.
i will cross town for a good chicken empanada with olives.
i don't do that.
i spoke with my mother 7 times this week.
those are paint brushes in my closet.
i have a penchant for paper towels and fast cars.
a chardonnay with lunch sounds lovely, thank you.
fresh air does my body good.
everything is questionable but god.
i do this.
i meditate.
i can't sit still.
i love to cook from scratch, you should see me in the kitchen, and yes
i'll take that pad thai to go.

turns out i love experience, turns out my vocation of choice is Professional
Dabbler

the only consistent labels, trends, statistics i can muster
have to do with change and a love of burnt toast

i love the many stretches that go into a lazy morning

or so i was told

to the one i find when i rip all the layers, to the one who gave breathing a new purpose and taste, to the one who modified my perspective i say..... .... .... .... ..... .... Hi

when god takes a nap, i steal a kiss. your salty tear. seals our lips, seals our bliss, god wakes up, smiles and says "i'm not surprised" turns his cheek and goes back to sleep

bed body

i can stand
on my own two feet
but sleeping is
a different story

took me years to find the peace
of mind and ease
of self to rest on my back,
nap with my arms above my head,

but to deep sleep i must
return to my stomach, limbs coiled
beneath my body, torso a bit
contorted, neck arched to pillow,
blood clotted in my joints,
safely, peacefully distorted.

cotton candy soup

i talked to god
she said she would do her best to find our family
between This World and the Not Yet
no promises, though, these things are tricky
i said i appreciated her effort and honesty